greetings fellow humans.

“the steps you walk you’ll ultimately end up paying for them”

those were the words that flew into my mind this morning, a forceful stacked sentence pushed there by a frazzled brain frustrated with the cost of having a human meat sack life.

all of it, the costs of all of it.

the playbook that opens up each day that forces you to make a choice from a seethru menu of options that ultimately expect you to open the wallet to indulge.

yesterday, i rested. i needed too.

i had pushed too hard the days before, just sprinting at life like the bricks would probably give a little, right?

they did not, i did not care for them too either, blindly i just wanted to the tasks to be done, more of those tasks and repeat cycles to come for the rest of the month.

rewards await however in different ways, delayed gratification at the expense of the original thought pushed aside for now because i’ve seen this route before, faster = better.

access equals opportunities.

i’ve backed away currently from the pursuit of throwing myself into every waking moment to index and curate and to push push for a result.

i guess i’m letting it breathe.

if your pushed enough parts of you fall away and die off replaced by a semblance of quizzical rememberance as to why you were that way in the first place.

pulling on that thread always takes you to a place where you want to replace the concerns it manifests with your favorite treat(s) so you can feel better about yourself.

it’s good to be a fly on the wall of yourself in those moments to truly give it perspective.

i’m trying to find the exact thing that gives me my perfect flow state, it’s only there that i trust that i’m being guided to do the meaningful work over the ego.

i keep on coming back to danielmiessler.com and his TELOS file it seems, something like gravity is pulling me back to that every so often.

as the context of my life becomes muddy as a human being and with every outcome possible that i can experience now a prompt and slop media spat out from it i wonder why continue to create moments in the real world.

it’s like that funk you get into when your in your twenties and you look how much you spent on food for the month and you start eating ramen because it’s cheap (but not good for you) just to adjust the ship in some way.

where i spend my time, any money i have, with who are becoming more important as i get not only older but wiser to the outcomes of the world around.

preparing the meatsack firewall every morning before i head out the door, aware of what other people might be running as a ruleset. preparing to virtual throttle that input so not to overflow my current building flowstate.

so that’s my tuesday so far, let’s hope it manifests itself something bigger and i can concentrate on something single-minded instead of trying to dash between spinning plates of ideas.

peace and love teambumholio x